


Instant planetary Mega Stellar Hydro static (There's no gravity between us)

by felicityremarkablesmoak (lookatallthemoresigive)



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Five Times, Humor, Romance, Subverted Tropes, fic titles taken from terrible songs from early 00s disney movies, sadly not stuck in the suburbs, tropes galore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-25 23:04:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3828250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lookatallthemoresigive/pseuds/felicityremarkablesmoak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four times Cisco and Caitlin failed terribly at fake dating tropes, and the one time they were terrible at being secretly not platonic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Instant planetary Mega Stellar Hydro static (There's no gravity between us)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jaegermighty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaegermighty/gifts).



> Set before 1x08. For Meagan, I figured I'd dust up an old draft I had and post it to do an accidental surprise shipswap. Hope you enjoy!

1.

Cisco was pretty jazzed to go on his first undercover mission: tuxedos, fancy finger foods, and a date on his arm. He felt like James Bond.

"Got anything?" Caitlin whispered, coming to where he had been camping out at the hors d'oeuvres.

Okay, so the date on his arm was a bit more metaphorical than anything. Technically they were posing as a couple but Caitlin was too focused on the mission and nervous about being in the field to pay much attention to him. After one too many drifting away from conversations, Cisco had to downgrade them to cousins.

His phone started buzzing. Good, his scanner had finally picked up where the stolen tech was, down in the lower level study. "Yes! Let's go."

They edged away as inconspicuously as they could, taking the staff stairwell (thankfully they didn't run into anyone, as guards knew that rich people would never take the stairs).

“The room is just down here.” Cisco said, humming the Mission Impossible theme song. Caitlin let him have his fun for a couple of seconds, but then shushed him, nervously scanning the long twisting corridor.

When they arrived after navigating a maze of twists and turns he took out the lock picker gadget that he’d been dying to use it for ages.

It made short work of the lock, and Cisco turned to Caitlin, grinning proudly. “I totally knew it was gonna work, but that was so cool.”

Caitlin fondly rolled her eyes and opened the door. “C’mon, Q.”

The grey box was sitting on a table, and Cisco’s scanner didn't detect any lasers.

“This is a little disappointing.” He muttered as he walked up and grabbed the box, swapping it with the fake.

“It might be a trap.” Caitlin murmured, her eyes widening. “Let’s get out of here.”

Caitlin was really smart, Cisco thought. Beside the whole doctor thing, she also had really good instincts, which would very helpful if Cisco listened to her more, because he took only a second to look at Desmond’s super cool third edition copy of _De revolutionibus orbium coelestium_ , and then they heard footsteps down the hall.

Crap.

Maybe the library had a silent alarm? Damn, he’d have to remember to add that to his scanner when they got back. Presuming that they didn't get captured and killed, of course.

Alright, it was time to see if all those books and movies were actually right. He grabbed Caitlin and backed them into one of the library stacks.

“Cisco, what exactly are you doing?”

“Isn’t it obvious? Guard distraction #45.”

Caitlin was a granite rock beneath him, which wasn't exactly helping. “Cait, c’mon, we gotta sell this.”

“Sell what? What are you talking about?” Caitlin said, staring up at him, eyebrows raised and eyes wide open.

The room had become very hot, even though Caitlin barely had any body heat. Cisco always joked it made her efficient. He was making it up enough for both of them, and he prayed his sweating wasn’t that obvious.

“Cisco, why are you sweating? Yo-”

He leaned in, closing his eyes and hoping Caitlin would understand he was only doing it for the good of the mission. Though he would definitely rather kiss her than die, but she probably wouldn’t find that reassuring.

“What are you two doing in here? This area is restricted from all guests.” A voice demanded, and they sprung apart, staring at the imposing security guard whose gun was trained on them.

“Oh, sorry! We didn’t know, we uh, I, uh.” Cisco stammered out, his chest heaving, and Caitlin grabbed his hand for support.

“-had heard that Mr. Desmond’s library was fantastic, and couldn’t resist uh, seeing it for ourselves.” Caitlin chipped in, because she was amazing and a way better Bond.

They stood together, hearts pounding as the guard considered this.

Even if they could send out an SOS Barry would never make it in time. If he had to go down, at least it would be with his best friend.

The guard put his hand to his earpiece, listened for a bit, and then lowered his gun and rolled his eyes. “Next time you want some hanky panky, go to the oversized bathroom like normal people.”

Caitlin and Cisco laughed, sounding like strangled cats.

The guard escorted them back upstairs and left them within the radius of the party, muttering something about horny rich nerds.

“Okay, no more undercover missions like, ever. Barry can have all the fieldwork fun.” Cisco said as he flopped down in his chair at S.T.A.R. Labs.

“Agreed.” Caitlin said, rubbing her heels. “Guard distraction #45 was fakeout makeout, wasn’t it?”

“Uh, yeah. Sorry about that.” Cisco said, blood rushing to his cheeks as he tinkered with his scanner and looked anywhere but Caitlin.

“I wouldn’t have have minded.” Caitlin said quietly. “For the good of the mission, and us not dying, of course.”

“Of course.” Cisco said, smiling so hard he was in danger of breaking his face. “Life saving emergency thing.”

 

2.

Cisco slumped in his seat and moaned. His email was opened to a message from his mom, entitled: Paco’s Wedding Reminder!!!!

Cisco felt a faint gust of wind then Barry at his arm, eating one of Cisco’s Barry Nutritional Bars (he thought it was funny, okay). “Why’s a wedding got you so bummed? ”

“It’s not the wedding itself- Paco’s okay, even though he’s a show-off. It’s just my family, and the lack-of-date situation.” He turned to Caitlin. “Could you grow me a female clone?”

“Why don’t you just ask her?”

Caitlin and Cisco looked at each other, and Caitlin laughed.

“Everyone in his family knows me, they’d never believe it. And no, no clones outside of the lab, Wells made us promise, remember?”

“Was worth a shot.” Cisco said as he watched her walk away.

“I could-”

“Barry, no.”

 

3.

Caitlin and Cisco took in their lodgings: it was practically a closet, with a crappy TV, a minuscule bathroom, and one singular gigantic bed that seemed to loom over the room.

“It was the best I could get on such short notice.” Caitlin explained apologetically.

Cisco was probably just imagining the tension. After all, Caitlin was his best friend and their relationship was smoother than the large frictionless ramp he was building back at S.T.A.R. Labs.

“I’ll take the floor.” Cisco said.

“Of course.” Caitlin nodded as she went into the bathroom.

It might be frictionless, but it certainly had gravity.

Gravity was good. It kept the planet spinning, the universe in orbit and in order.

Without gravity everything would just crash into each other, and it would be a disaster.

Caitlin didn't do disasters.

The floor was hard and uncomfortable, and Cisco was sore for the whole conference.

Still, the Metropolis Science Conference was awesome, especially when they figured out that Geoffrey Cage was the one siphoning away some of S.T.A.R. Labs' precious little funding, and Cisco punched him in the face.

On the downside, they were now kinda banned from MSC.

Totally worth it though, Cisco thought as Caitlin transferred back over the money and smiled at him proudly, totally worth it.

 

4.

Cisco emptied his drink as he waited for Caitlin to come back from the bathroom. She obviously had no idea what she was talking about when she said that Luke Skywalker was cooler than Han Solo, and he was going to prove it.

“Stupid fucking phone!” The girl next to him cursed, dragging Cisco out of his head where he had been constructing his detailed counterargument. “Why won’t you just turn on.”

“I can fix it for you.” Cisco offered.

“Really? I would be _so grateful_.” She said, and handed the phone over to him.

It was a quick fix, especially as he had just been tinkering with a similar model, and Cisco handed her back the phone less than a minute later.

“Wow, that was amazing! You must be some kind of genius! What do you do?”

Cisco straightened his shoulders. “Well, I-”

“What are you doing, talking to my girl?” A man suddenly appeared besides her. He was large, hair slicked back, handsome, and wearing a real leather jacket, which all screamed YOU’RE SO DEAD!!!!!!! to Cisco. “Like you could even have a chance with her.”

If Cisco’s life had to be a movie, did it really have to be Grease?

“No, I was just-”

“Being an everyday superhero, like you always are!” Caitlin appeared, because his abuela was right and there was a God. He was definitely going to church this Sunday. “My boyfriend is so good with his hands, if you know what I mean.” Caitlin winked.

Cisco blanched in horror, but this was probably better than Caitlin stitching him up.

“Now if you excuse me, we’re off to go HOME AND HAVE LOTS OF SEX, because we are a COUPLE, IN LOVEEE.” Cisco was able to throw a small tip down before Caitlin grabbed his hand and dragged him out.

“Thanks for coming to my rescue. I know I’m not cool enough to be your boyfriend, but if I was, I’d be honored.” Cisco said not-so-jokingly as soon as they were a couple of blocks away from the Envious Wannabe Greaser.

“You, Cisco Ramon, are very cool, and any girl would be lucky to be your girlfriend.” Caitlin said, linking her arm in his as they walked back. Cisco grinned.

“You just did that so we’d watch Game of Thrones instead of the Walking Dead tonight.”

“I can neither confirm nor deny.”

 

+1

Cisco swore something in Spanish under his breath as he worked on modifications to Barry’s suit.

Caitlin froze and dropped her tablet. Barry zoomed over and picked it up before it reached the ground, because what are friends for, right?

“Thanks, Barry.” Caitlin said as he handed it over, never taking her eyes off Cisco and frowning at him like he'd personally insulted her.

Barry smiled back at her and returned to Joe, whom he had been in the middle of a conversation with.

Though he was paying attention to Joe, out of the corner of his eye he could see Caitlin angrily jabbing at her tablet and stealing glances at Cisco, muttering in French just loud enough for only Cisco to hear.

Honestly, Barry was going to have to have a talk with them about not using other languages to keep him out of the loop. Or maybe even teach him. He wondered if he could even read fast now, he’d have to-

"Okay, this has just gotten ridiculous." Joe said, causing Cisco and Caitlin to stop having their weird intense staring match. "We all know you're both together, would you please stop trying to hide it, it's embarrassing for all of us."

"How did you know?" Caitlin demanded and Cisco threaded their fingers together.

"Please, you guys are so obvious. Everyone knows." Barry cut in, who hadn't known until Joe said something. Weird moments and conversations with odd undercurrents from the past month now suddenly made a lot of sense.

"We're all happy for you, and we want you to feel free to be together.” Wells said as he rolled into the room. Caitlin turned icy pale and Cisco turned beat red, and they both jumped away from each other. “There’s no need for secrets here.”

“Thanks, Dr. Wells. We won’t let it get in the way of our jobs.”

“Of course not. Barry, we should run some tests. Good day, Joe.”

"Dr. Wells."

"Ok-ay, that was _awkwardd_. I told you they'd find out." Barry could hear Cisco saying to Caitlin as he left the room.

Later, Barry watched his friends argue and laugh over taquitos. He was glad they had both found someone to keep them in orbit while their increasingly crazy world spun madly on.

One thing was for sure though, he thought as looked away smiling and started headed home as Caitlin leaned in for a kiss. There was no gravity between them.


End file.
